Surrogate partner to the same gender parent

For more information on parenting visit KidsInTheHouse.com

Surrogate partner to the same gender parent

So what are the differences when a child, a son or a daughter has played a role of surrogate husband or wife to the same gender parent? Say a daughter with a mother or a son with a father. It͛s not very common that we see a son with a father.

More typically though, we do see the daughter being the mother͛s partner, best friend at the cost of the husband. We tend to see both sexual andrelationship problems and over caretaking with this group. Also, we see a lot of eating disorders with daughters who are enmeshed with their mothers. They can͛t separate from their mothers, but say ”I will eat what I want and you can͛t tell me what I can eat. I have to listen to you talk about my dad, I have to listen to your loneliness, but I have some autonomy and I act it out with food”. That͛s a fairly common issue with women who are enmeshed with their mothers. And so the treatment of that group is very similar to opposite gender. They have to separate. And even though there is not a romantic relationship between the daughter and a mother, sometimes the daughter will internalize the mother͛s anger or dissatisfaction or disappointment with men and then she will have a hard time bonding with a men. This becomes a way to remain loyal to her mother. So the treatment goal is very similar. There has to be a separation and an individuation from the parent. I don͛t mean that you stop seeing them. People can move across the country and not see their parents and still be enmeshed with them. It really is an emotionally maturing: ͚I͛m in charge of this conversation mommy, daddy, you͛re not. You can͛t run my life.” So, really they are becoming their own woman, regardless of the gender of the parent. The process of individuation or seperation is the critical issue.