How to separate when you are too enmeshed with your parent

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How to separate when you are too enmeshed with your parent

How do you work with a situation when somebody in the coupleship or the marriage is excessively bonded or, sometimes we use the word enmeshed, with a parent? It’s good to remember that it’s critical for children to separate; sometimes the word is individuating, from their parents. And really, one of the primary roles of the parent is, since children are really not our property, is to shepherd the child into the world. In order to do that, they’ve got to unhook.

Children differ in their temperaments. Some kids are more naturally sensitive and in more need for reassurance from a parent if you will, so you have to work with them differently. Some kids are more naturally willing or able to run off without a care in the world and you might work with them differently. But if there is somebody who’s inappropriately bonded with his mother or a father he has to work at separating completely.

There was a study done number of years ago of fifty couples who reported over seven to ten year period if that they were happy or content in their marriage. So the researcher wanted to know what was it about your experience that helped you get there. And she had them answer surveys. Then she rank ordered what they reported as the most important thing in their marriage that contributed to the happiness. And you saw things on the list that we would expect. You know, common values, common parenting strategies, good sexual or romantic life, and time spent apart from the kids, things that we would all probably put on a list. But the number one thing that they reported that they did that contributed to the success of their marriage was that they both separated from their family of origin and became their own man or their own woman. That was what they said was the key to success of their marriage.