How to talk to your kids about sex

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How to talk to your kids about sex

A lot of parents are asking “How do I now talk to my child about sex?”

Having a parent speak to their children about sex is critical just like you would talk to them about not crossing the road and how to cross the road and so forth. Talking about sex does not lead to permissiveness. So when it was time to talk to my son I had three goals in mind. I was going to answer his questions about sex, cause I knew he was curious. I was going to speak to him about what our values were. And I was going to speak to him about the internet and then let him know that I was there for him if he needed to make new decisions about that. And that’s what I did. He asked me questions, well actually he didn’t ask questions, he just wanted me to talk. I was just kind of matter of fact; I didn’t get nervous or upset about it. I just kind of gave him some basic facts, and his question at the end was “Well, do most people have sex to have babies or for pleasure?” And I said “Most people have sex for pleasure”. So I thought that was an astute question. And I gave him our values and what we thought how sex should be connected to values without being heavy handed. The moment parents are either too permissive or too heavy handed, both of those extremes will get you to the same place: a kid who will hide his sexuality from himself or herself and from others, and especially from the parents. So I always encourage parents to stay out of the extremes. Not too permissive and not overly moralizing or restrictive.

The last thing I shared with him was about the Internet, and the dangers and one day you’re going to be with your friends and you guys are going to be curious and you’re going to do something and you’re going to have to make a decision. If you make a wrong decision, it’s OK. Just come talk to me about it. So I want you to know, you can always come talk to me about it. So what I would encourage parents to do around this expanding universe of sexual exploration is to be there for their kids and to be a save place for them to come when they get confused or overwhelmed. It’s the best prevention. You can not control access with the kids. It’s impossible.

The moment parents start to restrict access or over-moralize as a means of control as the only method to safeguard their child they begin to lose their child’s trust and respect and they stop talking to them. Certainly I think it’s important to regulate the amount of time on the Internet and teach that being sexual should be connected to a set of values. So I think there should be some regulation, but if that’s your only method of parenting then you are in trouble.